messy-scandinoodle:

avidreadr2004:

warpedchyld:

avidreadr2004:

messy-scandinoodle:

avegetariancannibal:

whimsy-by-joja:

warpedchyld:

saltvinegarandsmiles:

warpedchyld:

all-the-wrong-proclivities:

avegetariancannibal:

warpedchyld:

scarecrow12873:

byk23:

warpedchyld:

byk23:

avegetariancannibal:

warpedchyld:

puppy-dancy:

mean-cannibals:

warpedchyld:

devereauxsdisease:

byk23:

warpedchyld:

devereauxsdisease:

warpedchyld:

devereauxsdisease:

warpedchyld:

mummyholmesisupset:

warpedchyld:

Margarine as lube…I just…

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

BUT MARGARINE IS DISGUSTING WHY WOULD YOU PUT IT UP YOUR ASS?!

THAT LEADS TO WEIRD SMELLS AND INFECTIONS!

I feel like this needs to be a fic. A fic where Will tries to fuck Hannibal in the kitchen but all he has is Margarine. Will figures ‘what the hell’ and tries to use it.

Hannibal is aghast. Instead of a spontaneous romp over the counter, Will is treated to a 45 minute lecture on the benefits of organic non-salted butter, for cooking and fucking. 

Will would have to purposely buy the margarine. I could see him doing it just so Hannibal would have a fainting spell and lecture him before throwing it away.

Will of course, rescues it for the sole purpose of lube.

Or no! He purposely gets rid of all lube products so they HAVE to fish the margarine out of the trash.

Sure they’re both gonna crosseyed after the sex but Hannibal is still gonna spend 3 hours scrubbing the stuff off him and Will.

This is Hannibal Lecter we’re talking about. 

He would curl his lip slightly at Will’s margarine, march out of the house, drive to a nearby field, return with a bucket of milk, separate the cream, produce a 17th century butter churn from the trunk of the Bentley and have organic grade butter lube ready by nightfall, with enough left over to use on the scones he’ll bake fresh in the morning.  

He would churn the butter shirtless to get Will all hot and bothered.

Will would be more bothered, not by the fact that Hannibal had a butter churn, but that he kept it stashed in the Bentley.

I mean…WHY WOULD HANNIBAL NEED TO SUDDENLY CHURN FUCKING BUTTER?

Then would remember, it’s Hannibal “Drama King and Show Off Extraordinaire” Lecter. What other reason is needed?

Plus shirtless Hannibal, chest fur matted and skin slightly damp and glistening…

Look who made it better! 

Tell me, does Hannipenguin travel with a churn for all butter emergencies? 

But seriously…why WOULD he keep a butter churn in the Bentley?

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Personal Lubricant

@messy-scandinoodle wtf is wrong with this fandom

We are a dark and sophisticated fandom

Well time to share this again

It IS time to bring this back. But now i’ve got questions. How is it 25% more free? As opposed to regular non-free butthole. 

BUT WHY WOULD HANNIBAL HAVE A 17TH CENTURY BUTTER CHURN IN HIS BENTLEY?!

 also B it means they are giving you 25r more of the product   But charging the same price as the smaller portion  (via @warpedchyld)

OOOOhhhhh….i see. So i get an extra ¼ of a butthole. But how would that work? Do i get to choose which 25% i want? Or is it like a time share thing and i get the butthole mondays and every alternate thursdays

Why is the churner in the Bentley? That is the question?

I keep asking but no one answers!

I answered on one of these!

He does it for the

ASSTHETICS

Somebody take @avegetariancannibals’ keyboard away please…

No. Tippi must NEVER lose the keyboard.

The Hannibal Fandom is perfection.

Perfect darkness and perfect sophistication.

Please note that Hannibal of course has an genuine historic Lithuanian butter churn in his genuine British Bentley. He had a Rolls before, now it’s Bentley because he can’t stand the name Emily, it reminds him of his secretary who followed love… probably fell in love with the boss and ended in the basement….

@avegetariancannibal @byk23

I literally just put margarine in a crack fic and I was thinking of this post and couldn’t find it

My buttholes are 25% more grassfed and free range.

@warpedchyld

. As to why…have you seen the price of organic dairy products nowadays???

Sadly I have. Now, for some reason, all I can see if Hannibal making Will lactate so he can milk him for all their dairy needs. Didn’t

@granpappy-winchester

write that though?

@warpedchyld

now that you mention it —yup—it’s out there ….. everything comes back to the fanfic…

I’m crying in Aldi’s oh God why